I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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