Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You ate ashes out of my bong
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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