i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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