If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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