the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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