Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
