Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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