dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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