I'm drive I can fine osifer
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
