Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
