Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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