I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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