Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
