Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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