This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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