You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
