In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
