This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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