it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize