Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
