i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
