Buhtt sex?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's rum buckets o'clock
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
