Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dear god my vagina.
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