Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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