The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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