What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Randomize
