i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
