I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
