So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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