did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
