she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was like eating out sand paper
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
