whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
wanna go halves on a baby?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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