GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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