what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
