I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize