Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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