I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize