you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
