Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
