I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
