I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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