i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize