I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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