I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
