One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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