Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
