Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We left the knife in your bed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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