We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
