I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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