One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you mean i was at the winter classic?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
