Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
