shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
