You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
