I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
