That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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