The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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