all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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