Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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