Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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