You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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