bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
