Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
