I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
