Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
