We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
