Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
