I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
