i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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