laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
