I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dear god my vagina.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
