You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
