If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize