the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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