Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
