That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
