Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
