his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So here I am, sexting at work.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize