Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
dude. I can hear the air.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
