I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
