Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
