this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
