The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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