my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
