im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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