South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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