if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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