Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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