YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
