I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
