Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
